Why Saturdays Suck Sometimes....

i woke up at about 8 am so me and my mom could take my little half-sis to her child molesting dad's till tomorrow. i got maybe a total of 4 hours of sleep. and driving forty-five minutes in the rain to see someone who fucked my life up so bad is not my idea of a fun morning. but i see 'fun mornings' as an oxymoron anyways. i won't even get into the details of my ex-step father. but lets just say, i'd fucking kill him for what he's done to me, my little sis, and his first daughter. and i won't even talk about how the maryland judicial system fails at everything. so to continue...

i had no plans today. and i wasn't about to sit at home and think about all the drama in my life right now. because that would be stupid and it wouldn't help anything. so of course i went on a search to find something to do. i really wanted to go to field of screams... hopefully with this guy that happens to be pretty hot. that didn't really pan out. so now i'm having a movie night//sleepover thing-y with one of my friends, who is pretty amazing. it should be pretty fun. so until then, i'm procrastinating and putting off my homework. and i need to be working up hair and make-up schemes for the play. but instead i'm sitting here blogging and facespacing. which is what i usually do. at least tomorrow football will be on and i'm going to some random sports bar with one of my guy friends. i'm going to the car show up at the dunkin' doughnuts in the morning. which is a pretty kick ass day for me considering i love old cars and i never miss a football game... ever. this might explain parts of why most of my friends are guys. but at the same time, i am a total make-up whore. it's kinda sad actually. i don't really fit into any category.

this is why stereotypes suck. i love sports and i hang out with mostly guys. i get categorized as i skank who is trying to get attention from guys. people think that i have big boobs, so they don't think i'm intelligent or take me serious. but it's high school, and that's all anyone is in high school. we are preconceived notions of what our peers, teachers, and parents think we are. and that's where i would like to reference one of my favorite movies of all time, The Breakfast Club:

Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But, we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But, what we found out is that each one of us is:

a brain . . .
And an athlete . . .
And a basket case . . .
A princess . . .
And a criminal.
Does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club.

and it's true. we are all a little bit of everything. everyone has something that breaks the stereotype they have been put in. the insecurities. what keeps you up at night. the things you try to forget. all your regrets. the things you've never told a soul. what you want to be. how you want to change those things define us. not our clothes we wear or our pants size or the money in our wallet or how many people we've slept with. our weaknesses define us. it comes to the point where we end up as only the sum of our weaknesses. and the more you down play them, the more they control you. embrace your flaws. we are all flawed and all failures in our own right. the shame is on those who think that they are perfect because ignorance is the biggest flaw of all.

not bad for a saturday afternoon reflection if i do say so myself.

Break Up// Break Down?

And so the high school drama begins (or continues).... Boy breaks up with girl about two months ago after about a year and 8 months. they have a lot of mutual friends, so they still are around each other a lot at school. so he fucks with her all the time and she gets her friend to try and tell him to back the fuck off. so the next week, he takes her purse, she tries to get it back, and he... well we will give him the benefit of the doubt...accidentally back-handed her. so being the girl that she is, she hits back. one being a shot to the face. he drops the purse and she puts it back with her stuff and walks over to him asking why he has to be such an ass to her. he turns around and punches her in the face. (same side where she got back-handed) she starts hitting back, and he throws her down on the ground.

ok. enough with the third person shit. my ex-boyfriend punched me in the face. end of story. it got all swollen and red and it hurt like a bitch. stayed that way for about two days. i have a bunch of guy friends ready to fuck his ass up because of what he did. his response? going around telling everyone that i'm a lying bitch and that i'm getting people to beat him up because i'm just mad that he broke up with me. talking to him now, he says that he was lying throughout our whole relationship and that at the end, he didn't even love me. which just shows how much he's trying to prove that he doesn't need me in his life. and its kinda sad when his friends tell me that it's so obvious he still likes me. same reason applies to why he ran out and got a girlfriend in less that two weeks after breaking up with me.

so where does this leave me? well, i for one, am not in denial. i have no problem saying i still love him. mind you, i wouldn't take him back and i'm not hung up on him. i've moved on to bigger and better things. (like the hot guy i'm hooking up with on a regular basis.) i've tried to rebuild my life, knowing damn well that the guy that told me he would propose to me at prom, is trying to hurt me so he can feel better and forget he still loves me. yes, i was naive. and so what? but that's over now. and it's a great and terrible thing at the same time. it's the fact of losing that constant in your life that puts everything off kilter.

and so, with the whole school getting told i'm a liar, my friends about to beat the shit out of my ex-boyfriend, and me wondering what the fuck is going on in my head, i continue my amazingly fucked up life. my grades are dropping, i want to lose weight, and smoking sounds really good right now. but i've been keeping my on going record- i haven't cried since he broke up with me like two months ago. and that is one thing i have to be proud of.

this weekend i'm just gonna try and relax. got football on sunday and chilling with friends later today. now i'm just talking to one of my friends about weed vs. cigarettes..... i think i'm gonna get some cookie dough ice cream... yummy


*there you go. my first post. hate it? love it? random like shit, i know. so tell me about it. leave a comment.