And if I was Ever to Fall...

If there is ever such a thing as karma, or simply the presence of luck in the slightest, is there a certain extent for a person to be plagued by bad luck, before something good is ultimately destined to happen to them? it all starts with my misfortune in love lately. decisions made out of boredom, resulting in a question of self-worth and self- appreciation. actions taken under false pretenses, resulting in being written off as a mistake. need i say more? and in the past, it seems that my accumulation of bad luck knows no bounds. but a friend said to me recently, "this is going to work out, you deserve something good to happen to you." maybe this is true. in my recent, casual and not yet solidified endeavour, i have done what always contributes to my failure in such matters. my inevitable, or so it seems, mistake is to get my hopes up. but it all comes out of my futile attempts to find the middle ground between blind faith and condemning pessimism. the sense of realism has failed me, and i still have trouble in believing that i will find success. it seems to me, that i screw everything up in the end. and as innocent as my wants and needs may be, it has been an awful long time since they have come close to being satisfied. while i try to pride myself in not being an idiot, i have become increasingly easy to take advantage of in the ways of love. i resent my new-found naivety but only because it is the result of my overwhelming desire to love and be loved. not that this is uncommon, yet damn human nature anyways. and most of the time it just seems like life is full of one movie cliche after another. love, real, honest, meaningful love at least, is so hard to find. especially since everyone has ulterior motives and to play it with a straight face would be unheard of. it's like watching old movies, realizing that all that magic doesn't happen any more. the cut and dry practice of love in real life killed chivalry and morals a long time ago. now people look for love in the strangest of places, supplement it with materialistic cravings, and take a candy- coated substitute and pass it off as the real thing. it's a wonder that love is still so desired when it has become the easiest to forge. so in passing, everyone is disillusioned to the scams they have subjected themselves to. and on that note, i must depart for my plane and begin my long journey home from florida. all the while, giving myself time to ponder my current attempt at finding something with meaning, or just settling for someone to hold me.