Ill-Advised Discretion Only Makes Conundrums That Much More Frustrating

for every cynic like i am, and will remain to be, most likely for the entirety of my life, the worst possible thing has happened. as quick as i was thrown away by guys in the past, a new one has swooped in and decided that he will indeed, change my outlook on love and myself. (no this is not a joke) he brings commitment and a seemingly incredible sincerity that i have never seen they likes of in my life. for once, i passed up the over-analysis and jumped right in. what's the catch, you ask? geographical barriers at their worst. mapquest mocks me for inquiring about a location 350 miles away in 5 and a half hours. and i was the biggest advocate against long distance relationships. why? because they never work out. even in my steadfast rules, exceptions have creeped their way in. lo and behold, i fall in love. fast, reckless and beautiful, i put myself out there again, because it felt so right. in the defense of all things sane (which none of this seems to be) i took time to think it over. not that i expected to come to the answer of no. proving that, while i may be insane, but at least i can make up my mind. so i willingly chose to fall for a guy two states away, who get this ladies and gentlemen, i've never met. don't get me wrong, this isn't internet dating. he is actually a real person. in fact, he is my friend's ex- across the street neighbor. it gets more peculiar by the second. but i've researched and investigated thoroughly. i've spent eternities talking to him, and he's nothing like i'm used to. (famous last words right?) but in the process, i've chained myself to the never-ending wait for calendar pages to flip. the anticipation for days that seem to never come and never get any closer. here i wait. and it's by choice, and maybe out of necessity that i let it happen. when it comes down to it, i need this. i needed it long before it came. if things go the way they seem to be headed, i might have found that person to make up for the last big screw up i subjected myself to. that in and of itself is amazing. while i am never one to be hopeful, i seem to have gone borderline cautious optimism. fearful of this, i must remember that this, as are all other things, is a temporary fixture that i must not grow dependent on. because dependence is the root of all evil. while i would claim to posses a degree of attachment, dependence is something that should never come. let past mistakes be the path to a better future, and hopefully i wont fuck up this time around.