The Daunting Prospect of Conquering Inner Demons

so maybe i'm feeling just a little more whimsical lately. and this could be a side affect of falling in love. but this was not a instance where i went down easy. i've had a lot of internal turmoil deciding if i should let myself love someone that i've not met yet and that lives so far away. yet sometimes it seems that i forget that i'm not invincible to falling in love. i wish that i was just to save myself some trouble. yet this time around, i'm not going to make all the mistakes i have in the past. well, hopefully i won't. i've been tempted to be distant and stay less invested just to draw him in. at least that way, i won't let the real distance (350 miles of distance) hurt me. but i fear that i'm already in over my head. i let my guard down, and apparently i fell completely in love with him. the funny thing is that i was pretty much aware of it, and i let it happen anyways. but then again, my immediate fears arise. the first thing i think of is how when the summer ends, he'll be gone. and in reality, it will only be for a while. it occurred to me that long distance requires more of me than i really considered. that could be why i have been so against it. here i find myself now, in a relationship where the only problem is the distance. and this is so different from my other failed relationship attempts. he, for one, said i love you first. that matters to me, probably more than it should. but i read into that as that he'll be more committed to me than my ex. speaking of my ex, he still can't seem to leave me alone. it's a shame that someone who ended the relationship, and left me for another girl. but he still talks all the shit about me. the more he does, the more it's plain to see that he still has a thing for me. it's sickening. the thought of him and me round two is just a horrible image. if he ever came back to try to get me again, i'd laugh in his sorry face, that son of a bitch. i can't pinpoint the exact moment when i decided that i would never give him another chance. it might of been when he punched me in the face... just maybe. he's pathetic and i'm tired of his constant insults of how much of a whore i am. too bad he lost out on what he referred to as 'the best thing he'd ever get.' that would be me. but now i have moved on to hopefully someone who will love me for what i am. what am i, you ask? good question. i don't really know. i guess i'm a little bit of everything. i'm a tomboy of sorts who doesn't take shit from anyone. but at the same time, i'm a lover. oh yes, i love like no other. unfortunately devoted to the people i fall in love with. i'm crazily random with a sense of humor that spans over any possible subject matter. i can be a bit OCD about some things. i think that wet socks are my mortal enemies. i'm completely insane. and yet, this boy, who lives so far away it seems, loves every single thing about me. surprisingly, the feeling is mutual. this summer is going to be quite magical. and i can't wait for all of the tireless waiting to be worthwhile. i have a feeling that it's going to be.