Proceed With Caution to the Wind

this may not be the best time to say this, but i think i may have been a bit rash. while my decisions are often most questionable, this one the jury is still out on this one. do i love him? i think. do i feel committed? not quite. all the movie cliches that could describe my life right now are enumerable. i feel like i threw myself into this, maybe with less thought than i should. but i can't and shouldn't judge this too soon. well i for one am just ready for things to start making sense. if the distance wasn't there, i'm not even sure this would be as perfect as he thinks. and i despise the anticipation that might just let me down. although if i give up right now, watch this be my happy ending being thrown out the window. i mean, i guess, right now, i don't have anything better to do than wait. i guess it's the only choice i have if i want to see this through. but maybe my ideals have changed, and in the past month my feelings might have changed. at the expense of another, just maybe. but if so, i saw it coming and i feel like we both could end up hurt. from experience, i know i should watch out for myself instead of letting myself get hurt to make someone else happy. which was basically the majority of my last relationship (all over a year and a half of it) and i hated it so much. i can't understand how i always put myself in these positions where i can't decide. i feel like a horrible person since my decisions could impact, consequently hurting, someone who i've become close to. so i have no idea what the best thing is to do. and that of course is a part of life, so it should be expected. for now, i will just wait it out. alone with my own thoughts; it could be deadly.