Transitional Disfunction

while the end of my short-lived, not- so summer fling was finally ended, i some how found the ability to actually break up with someone. but this was about a month ago. since then, things have been uneventful much to my dismay. a romantic hiatus was not exactly my first choice in spending the remainder of my summer. considering who i choose to invest my time in, i shouldn't be surprised. they seem to be taken or too close to pursue, or just virtually unattainable. feelings still run deep for my boy that's miles away. but the one time i had the misfortune to speak to him since he left, we played the usual games; never conceding to any emotion for the other. though i did get him to admit he misses me. and i find comfort in knowing i still have some hold on him. yet when he comes back, it'll be hard for me to have anything to do with him, knowing that he'll just leave again. leaving is always something that gets me. because they always leave. as i was telling one of my friends in the early morning hours, i've learned that 'i love you' means nothing, you can always be replaced, and that all guys are the same, just some are better at hiding it than others. one of my other current nuisances is perhaps just overly jealous and selfish concept that i've deemed one of my biggest weaknesses. i find the one year anniversary of the big break up drawing near, and realized that shortly after, my other ex and his girlfriend will have been together for a year. and that rubs me the wrong way. not just because i have not been as successful, but because he doesn't deserve it. my opinion however, doesn't really matter in all of that. once again, i find more things to daunt me. i feel like throwing myself in to a variety of things to distract myself from my seemingly unending quest for love. ironically, i am not actively pursuing any individual for the hope of a relationship, but feel like i am trying to hard. my choices in these situations are undeniably questionable. while my heart may be deceitful, my love is never a lie. yet i've been involved with some who have no concept of the weight of those three little words. he should have known better than to be so fickle. i guess mutual suffering is somewhat comforting in the end. i try to forget about what transpired this summer between me and my interstate lover. it is time to move away from those memories, because to continue that delusion of a possible sequel would be borderline self-deprecating. but i'm looking forward to a relationship where tangibility is not at an all time low. although it might be in my best interest to let a few of these upcoming romantic opportunities pass out of self-preservation. i can't take much more disappointment any time soon. then again, i'm not one for healthy habits like that. i mean, you only live once, you might as well have the time of your fucking life.