This Type of Mental Exploitation is Absolutely Necessary

and just like in times before, it is gone as quick as it comes. while there hasn't be the act of officially calling it quits, it's been discussed. when you ask someone if they love you, their response shouldn't be "i want to." but no, this is not heartbreaking to me. i saw it coming. while i may have hoped for the best, there are too many things against us. but we, as most young love seems to be, were a blazing fire fueled by undeveloped carnal desire and the frantic search to find where we belong. it feels like it was too short lived. these weeks we never an accurate depiction of how we could be. but i know my incessant comparisons to my ex, and how pessimistic i am, well no, that didn't help. but in the coming of days, with my starting new educational endeavors, is it any wonder that i feel the need not to be held back my the restriction of a long distance relationship. or am i just fulfilling the prophecy that i think long distance relationships are destined to fail. the trouble is that he made me a believer. with him, i seemed to forget all of those things that make me hesitant, all the times i've been hurt. therein lies one of the problems: with all those feelings, added to undeniable physical attraction, we lived out more of a relationship in those couple of weeks that could be in a few months. the first time we met, it felt as if we had been together for ages. then was when i really felt that this could be a good thing. yet this mutual feeling of changes and growing apart, ("when i first got here, everything was amazing, and now it's all kinda fading.") he brings this up when i had been saying it a week earlier. he is young and doesn't know what he wants, and i'm his first serious girlfriend. so this is new for him. i know that the waining of romance is usual, i just never expected it to happen that fast. but maybe i should just ignore the phone till he gets back from the beach. maybe that space would be incredibly constructive. i don't know, but for now i think i'll settle for quick airy, light little phone calls that don't dip into our problems. the ones that have been keeping me up for the past two nights despite my best attempts to relax. on the one hand, i could make the call, dump him and stay friends. but i'd prefer to just wait till he gets back and then talk it out. so now i shall play this waiting game. hopefully i'll win at it.